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MONDAY, JULY 15, 2019



2008-07-16 19:27:00

Creative Writing

Only has one thing, one

Thought to think about

How to polish his gun, he will

Polish his one thought

Experienced through one

Thought about his trigger

Happy to serve in the name

Of experience, he'll polish

His gun, which he'll cherish

Polish and shine, lock on

Time from time, he'll polish

This one time, he'll place,

Place it in his mouth, he'll

Polish it in place, and fear

The time when it no longer

Thinks as one, his one

Thought to think about



2008-07-17 20:42:55

I like it... the thought control. This might sound weird but I thought you should expand on the man-machine theme a bit by throwing in the idea of "Deus-ex-machina." That's at least what it made me think about. The deus-ex-machina is like the gun where it's a machine that combines with a man body but has a soul of it's own and pulls them out of life.



2008-07-17 20:58:17

I actually allude to the deus ex machina a little too often, but I see it more in the traditional sense of an "act of God" (actually means "god out of a machine") in a story where something, typically something outside the story's internal logic, happens sunddenly in order to change/progress/save the story.

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