disturbing thoughts pop into her head. for some reason, the idea of being shot in the back of the head appeals to her at this moment . she pictures the impact, the brains flying through the air in slow motion, the slumping of her neck. the person beside her would be unaware of what had happened for about 12 seconds, and then reality would set in. she looks at the man next to her, and feels bad for thinking these thoughts, for making him an imaginary witness to her terrible fantasy. she raises her arm behind her head and feels the scar from the bullet hole, smiling to herself.