The idea of love is no longer something to strive for with someone else. Instead, people who get in relationships barely call it a relationship at all. There are no more dates, "asking someone out," or any of those formalities for at least the first few months of a relationship. The reason being that discussing a relationship too early may be seen as too intense for the other partner. People only acknowledge they're in a relationship after they're both forced to admit that hanging around someone for three months straight isn't normal either. This phenomena was always around but now it has grown to the point where I can't think of many friends who don't see an alternative to this line of thinking.

And perhaps this has its benefits. A sociologist, Dr Malcolm Brynin, from the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex, says that "It seems that the secret to long-term happiness in a relationship is to skip a first relationship." In his book Changing Relationships he reasons that people should not put too much emphasis on their first relationship because it might ruin all the relationships afterwards. He argues that if someone seeks love for the first time and finds it, then when they move on to someone else they may still be hung up on that first love because of the initial feeling they felt with that person.

My question is: So what? Is it actually better to not look for love at all? Yes, sure it's easier but that doesn't make it better; Unless you expect a loving relationship to fall upon your lap by chance. Like every endeavor in life, a little pain (or a lot if you're a romantic sap) is expected.

How are we supposed to skip that initial feeling of love anyway? Well, it seems the lovers of today are doing it through apathy. In our generation, apathy in everything from politics to ethics is considered the safest ideology to follow. And now it has manifested itself in our idea of love. Both guys and girls would rather "hang out," while making out, before discussing a relationship. In fact to do otherwise could ruin the potential of the relationship by having someone "move too fast."

I've personally been accused once of "moving too fast" when I had suggested to an old fling that I liked spending time around her exclusively. The anecdotal evidence doesn't end there. A few girls I knew wanted to give up their virginity to people they didn't care about so that it wouldn't break their heart when the guy left them. Again, easier is not better. My guy friend, Giles, told me the other day that he was tired of relationships and my girl friend Sorrel admitted she's content now with just a good-looking guy because she may move to Korea some day. I must admit, all these people I've mentioned seem to have an easier time with life than my old traditional ways.

For the new millenia, "cool" has become synonymous with "uncool" and out of that apathy has synthesized. So we can no longer impress a mate with our coolness if that risks also annoying him/her with our uncoolness. The only answer is to accept the paradox and give up. All the studies on love can go to waste because so far the best answer is to just let it happen. Except for one thing, as Robert Frank, an economist from Cornell University, once mentioned that people would probably leave their mates more often if they actually didn't care. Because if they didn't, then the very first time a more attractive person crossed by they would have no reason to stay and would leave the relationship. Obviously, there is some bond.

The only thing people need to realize is that those chemical hormones in our brain creating those bonds only last for less than a year (As explained here). After that, lovers need something with more substance to stay in a relationship. Like perhaps an exciting yet formal date?